This is something that has been on my heart now for a long time. I had just been waiting for the opportunity and time to write it. I think that people generally have expectations for one another: expectations of how others will act, what others will say, what their roles are, and so forth. I believe that expectations are inevitable and can either be good or bad. I also believe that people should look within themselves and see what kind of expectations they place on others and if they are reasonable expectations or not.
Well, it seems that I (and supposedly many others) have let people down recently (or for a while now). People have expected me to be a HAND, when in reality I am NOT a HAND, I am a FOOT! This lanugage of hands and feet comes from the Bible where it talks about the Church being the Body of Christ and how we all have different parts…
3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man’s gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully. (NIV)
1 Corinthians 12:12-20
12The body is a unit, though it is made up of many parts; and though all its parts are many, they form one body. So it is with Christ. 13For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink.
14Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. 15If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 16And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 17If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? 18But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. 19If they were all one part, where would the body be? 20As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
It is very clear to me that Scripture says that we must all play our different roles in this one body. It is also very clear to me that certain people have for a long time now expected me to be something that I am not, and instead of talking and dialoguing about it WITH ME, they chose to dialogue amongst themselves and to transform it into gossip, slander, and pure shame! It is not only me that they talked about, but many others. But just for this case I will speak for myself (I cannot be the voice for others). I adore these people and I love them. I enjoy spending every moment I have with them; it brought me to tears to find out how they felt about me and how they thought I felt about them.
I will not go into specifics here in my blog, but what I am trying to say is that these people expected me to be a “leader” (I quote it because everyone defines a leader in a different way). For example, some people may consider a Pastor a leader because she/he gets up and preaches every Sunday and tends to the flock. Some may consider a leader someone who spends plenty of time with them and invests their lives into them. Some may consider a leader to be someone who is extremely involved within the church (whether they have an official title or not), and who is always just there interacting with others. But some may consider a leader to be someone who does not want to be a Pastor (even thoguh they will have a Bachelor’s from a Bible College), and maybe not even someone who is involved in “full time ministry” in the sense that people understand it. Maybe a leader is someone who cares about the church, but also cares about the souls that need to be saved…
Am I less of a “Christian”, a “Leader”, a “Good Person”, a “Role Model”, or whatever if I choose to invest in those who are not saved rather than those who are? Maybe those involved heavily within the church are HANDS, but don’t we need people who are FEET to go where others don’t and to have their main focus be on the Un-Saved? Is it wrong for me to care More about those that are going to Hell rather than those that are going to Heaven? Am I really such a bad person for not spending every moment I have with you because…ummmmm…MAYBE I actually have other things to do most of the time that are really important and keep me busy? FAMILY…RELATIONSHIP…SCHOOL…HOMEWORK…FRIENDS (not from church)…FINANCIAL PROBLEMS….
These all take up my time and I’m sorry if I can’t hang out with you outside of those church days. I’m not a bad person because of it, I haven’t let you down. If you expected me to hang out with you once in a while or to call you once in a while…why in the WORLD didn’t you just TELL ME?! If your unreasonable expectations were let down, my apologies!
You never took the time to ask me how my life is, you never asked me why I was so busy and not around as much as I used to. SO WHAT if I don’t have an official title at church, you could have still come to me and told me that you wanted to spend time with me, and I would be more conscious of you wanting me to be in your life. Instead, from week to week you put on smiles and never told me how you felt. I haven’t let you down, No, You’ve let YOURSELF Down!
It is just so mind-bottling to me that you never simply just approached me or anyone else about it. Even the people that you looked up to and you confided in TOLD you to go and talk to me (and to the others), but you NEVER Did! It is CLEARLY not my fault that I didn’t know how you felt. I love ALL OF YOU! I am just so disapointed in the way that you all handled it. I guess I had high expectations for all of you as well…
When all is said and done, I do own up to the fact that I have not spend as much time with you all as I (and you) would have liked to. There were many factors and reasons for that, NOT because I didn’t like you guys. If that is in your mind, please get rid of it. But as you get older, life and GOD takes you in different directions. If my focus isn’t on you guys, I’m sorry…But GET REAL people….your focus ISN’T on ME Either!
We love each other, we want to invest in each others lives as much as possible, but that CAN’T happen without HONESTY and COMMUNICATION! I still love you guys, I enjoy every moment with you all, and I know that we can all overcome this. Let’s just stop being secretive and just SAY It!
*sigh of relief* – Glad that’s off my chest.